The grass is greener [when it rains?]

The other day I tried to schedule in time for notes, writing, marking and reading. My rational was that if I feel like at the end of each day there is so much I have not gotten around to doing then I should be more realistic about what I should be aiming to do each day. This activity freaked me out; I realised there is so little time before 10pm each day left over to be allocated.

However, this has not been playing on my mind as much as ‘the future’. I am a little worried about how I am going to deal with having to wrap up the ‘on the ground’ part of my project. Basically I am already anticipating the sense of loss that will come with having to say ‘good bye’. Shifting my energy to understanding and writing is unlikely to result in me getting my life back and I will not have the coffees, conversations and gardening shaping my weeks.

The funny thing is that I am most worried about moving on at this time when I am facing a week which cannot possibly fit in what needs to be done. Maybe I am trying to seek refuge in each moment I have now, hoping that the deadlines just never arrive?

All that said, a full day or two off would be nice. Maybe next month?

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