Eyes forward?

In some respects work has progressed but the sense of achievement I get from looking at words now sorted into paragraphs and ideas tentatively linked together also comes with a fear. I do not fear the inevitable rewriting of these paragraphs or becoming aware of the misfit between ideas. I fear the steps I have taken so far might be as far as I can go, and then I fear if I let myself stop and worry I really will become stuck. Perhaps this is why those scared of heights are advised ‘Don’t look down!’

Withdrawing from my life enough to undertake fieldwork had its challenges, but the constant activity and multiple demands on my attention offered its own momentum. The constant movement of ‘today’ in my Google calendar also kept me moving towards an endpoint of sorts. I struggle to write in a similar way – move on from task to task as each day progresses.

I find writing, and some of the work around writing, more or less enjoyable depending on a wide range of factors beyond the tasks in their own right. Sometimes writing feels like it is an escape from the world and sometimes it feels like other life demands or other thoughts come crashing in to destroy any threads of concentration I might seek to gather. On the other hand, I cannot complain too much. The world beyond my words on a computer screen offers the very data (inspiration) for those words.

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